the daily dan

Guest post by Investors Business Daily


Libya: At least a dozen rewrites of the Benghazi talking points were made, with all references to al-Qaida and prior attacks removed at the direction of the secretary of state’s office.

The astonishing thing about the administration’s Benghazi cover-up is that it actually thought it could get away with it. But each lie has been successfully peeled away, from the protest that never happened, to the irrelevant filmmaker who was blamed, to the intelligence community whose talking points were used as a cover for incompetence and malfeasance.

Now White House and State Department emails obtained by ABC News, some first published by the Weekly Standard, show that the intelligence community, led by the CIA, told the truth about terrorist involvement in the Benghazi attacks and prior warnings in its original talking points draft. It was the White House and the State Department that lied and had them altered.

“Those talking points originated from the intelligence community. They reflect the IC’s best assessments of what they thought had happened,” White House Press Secretary Jay Carney told reporters last Nov. 28. “The White House and the State Department have made clear that the single adjustment that was made to those talking points by either of those two institutions were changing the word ‘consulate’ to ‘diplomatic facility’ because ‘consulate’ was inaccurate.”

What the talking points reflected, after a dozen heavy edits dictated by the State Department, was a sanitized version designed to protect President Obama’s re-election chances and Secretary of State Hillary Clinton’s prospective candidacy in 2016. They were deliberately altered to eliminate references to terrorism so the whole thing could be blamed on an inflammatory video and no one in the administration could be held responsible.

As ABC’s Jonathan Karl reported, edits included requests from the State Department that references to the al Qaida-affiliated group Ansar al-Sharia be deleted as well as references to CIA warnings about terrorist threats in Benghazi in the months preceding the attack.

The original CIA talking points contained this paragraph: “The Agency has produced numerous pieces on the threat of extremists linked to al-Qaida in Benghazi and eastern Libya. These noted that, since April, there have been at least five other attacks against foreign interests in Benghazi by unidentified assailants, including a June attack against the British ambassador’s convoy. We cannot rule out the individuals had previously surveilled the U.S. facilities, also contributing to the efficacy of the attacks.”

In an email to White House officials and the intelligence agencies, State Department spokesman Victoria Nuland took issue with including that information, saying it “could be abused by members (of Congress) to beat up the State Department for not paying attention to warnings, so why would we want to feed that either?” The paragraph was entirely deleted.

Why would a State Department interested in protecting its secretary and its president want to tell the truth?
The original CIA draft said “we do know that Islamic extremists with ties to al-Qaida participated in the attack.” It specifically named the al-Qaida-linked Ansar al-Sharia. Nuland objected, and it was taken out.

In an email dated Sept. 14, 2012, at 9:34 p.m. — three days after the attack and two days before Ambassador Rice appeared on the Sunday shows — Deputy National Security Advisor Ben Rhodes wrote an email saying the State Department’s concerns needed to be addressed.

At a meeting Saturday morning, Sept. 15, at the White House, they were. The CIA drafted a final version of the talking points by deleting all references to al-Qaida and to the security warnings in Benghazi before the attack. In that email, Rhodes used the excuse that “we don’t want to undermine the FBI investigation.” Ironically, it was Rice’s recitation of the censored talking points that impeded the FBI investigation and reduced cooperation by insulting the Libyan president. As Deputy Chief of Mission Gregory Hicks said during his recent testimony to Congress, Rice contradicted the Libyan president’s Sept. 16 claims that the attack was premeditated.

“President Magariaf was insulted in front of his own people, in front of the world. His credibility was reduced,” Hicks said. “It was planned, definitely, it was planned by foreigners, by people who entered the country a few months ago, and they were planning this criminal act since their arrival,” Libyan President Mohamed Yousef El-Magariaf told CBS News’ “Face The Nation” on Sept. 16 after Rice appeared saying exactly the opposite.

So as we’ve noted, we have Hillary Clinton’s chief of staff, Cheryl Mills, trying to intimidate Gregory Hicks from telling the truth that they knew it was a terrorist attack from the “get-go,” that there was no “protest” or mention of one from anyone on the ground and that the infamous YouTube video was “a non-event” in Libya.

And we have Clinton spokesman Victoria Nuland censoring CIA talking points that note terrorist involvement in the attacks and mention prior attacks in an environment full of terrorist training camps.

Ambassador Christopher Stevens was aware of the threat and had warned Benghazi could not be defended after what security they had was withdrawn.

In Stevens’ name, and the names of Sean Smith, Tyrone Woods and Glen Doherty, the American people deserve to know the truth. Those responsible for this fiasco and its cover-up must be held accountable.

Compare this:

Pentagon May Court Martial Soldiers Who Share Christian Faith

The Pentagon has released a statement confirming that soldiers could be prosecuted for promoting their faith: “Religious proselytization is not permitted within the Department of Defense…Court martials and non-judicial punishments are decided on a case-by-case basis…”.

[Thus] President Barack Obama’s civilian appointees who lead the Pentagon are confirming that the military will make it a crime—possibly resulting in imprisonment—for those in uniform to share their faith. This would include chaplains—military officers who are ordained clergymen of their faith (mostly Christian pastors or priests, or Jewish rabbis)—whose duty since the founding of the U.S. military under George Washington is to teach their faith and minister to the spiritual needs of troops who come to them for counsel, instruction, or comfort.

This regulation would severely limit expressions of faith in the military, even on a one-to-one basis between close friends. It could also effectively abolish the position of chaplain in the military…

With this:

Something has gone woefully wrong in this country.

From the peerless Heritage Foundation:

Here’s an idea regarding outrageous bills such as Obamacare and “Comprehensive Immigration Reform”. Bills so complex and so lengthy that no one, not a single legislator, is able to read or comprehend them before being forced to vote.

This idea builds upon Thomas Jefferson’s suggestion to James Madison: that bills passed by Congress should lay in stasis for at least a year in order to facilitate public review and open debate. I propose:

Any bill passed by Congress shall, prior to being signed into law by the President, be published into the Congressional Record. It shall be be open to public discourse and debate for a period no less than a number of days equal to or greater than the number of pages required for publication in the Congressional Record before it may be signed into law.

A bill that requires 2,000 pages should require at least 2,000 days of public review and debate.

My, my, my. Antique media now faces an interesting dilemma: let Fox News capture all of the Nielsen ratings as Benghazi-gate explodes or attempt to cover it and spin. Either way, they lose:

U.S. Had Assets That Could Have Saved U.S. SEALs

BAIER: The administration has insisted there was no help for the Americans under assault in Libya, none that could arrive in time to change the outcome in Benghazi. Tonight is the first of three exclusive reports charging that claim is just not true.

Because the Special Operator in this piece is fearful of reprisal, we have agreed to conceal his identity. Correspondent Adam Housley has the story.

HOUSLEY: Many Americans are asking indeed, I asked myself. How could this happen? In the seven months since the Benghazi attacks on 9/11, information from the administration has been incomplete at best.

Details and time lines provided by the State Department, the U.S. military and intelligence agencies had been contradictory and failed to answer many questions.

In December, a State Department review concluded: There simply was not enough time for U.S. military forces to have made a difference: Having said that, it is not reasonable nor feasible to forces at the ready to respond to protect every high risk post in the world.

But members of the military who are monitoring events in Benghazi disagree.

Only a few dozen people in the world know what happened that night and Fox News spoke exclusively with a Special Operator who watched the events unfold and has debriefed those who are part of the response.

SO: I know for a fact that C-110, the UCOM SIF was doing a training exercise not in the region of northern Africa but in Europe. They had the ability to react and respond.

HOUSLEY: The C-110 is a command in extremis force… a 40-man SPECOPS force capable of rapid response and deployment, specifically trained for incidents like the attack in Benghazi. That night, they were training in croatia just three and a half hours away.

SO: We had the ability to load out, get on birds, and fly there at a minimum stage. C-110 had the ability to be there, in my opinion, in four to six hours from their European theater to react.

HOUSLEY: They would have been there before the second attack.

SO: They would have been there before the second attack. They would have been there at a minimum to provide a quick reaction force that could facilitate their exfill out of the problem situation. Nobody knew how it was going to develop.

And you hear a whole bunch of people and a whole bunch of advisors say hey, we wouldn’t have sent them there because the security was unknown situation.

HOUSLEY: No one knew that?

SO: If it’s an unknown situation, at a minimum you send forces there to facilitate the exfill or medical injuries.

We could have sent a C-130 to Benghazi to provide medical evacuation for the injured.

HOUSLEY: Our source says many connected to Benghazi feel threatened and are afraid to talk. So far confidential sources have fed some information but nobody has come forward publicly on camera until now.

SO: The problem is, you have got guys, in my position you have got guys in Special Pperations community who are — still active and still involved.

And they would be decapitated if they came forward with information that could effect high level commanders.

HOUSLEY: Despite the concern, our confidential source says the community feels there was a betrayal. All the way to the top. And that people on the ground in Benghazi were left to fend for themselves.

SO: I don’t blame them for not coming forward, you know. It’s something that is a risky, especially in a profession to say anything about anything in the realm of politics or that deals with policy.

HOUSLEY: Our source provides insight into how the U.S. government and military reacted from the moment the attack began through the immediate hours after ambassador Chris Stevens went missing. What they were told to do and what not to do as Stephens, Diplomatic Officer Sean Smith and former Special Operations members Tyrone Woods and Glen Doherty were killed.

SO: There is a lot of responsibility and onus that needs to be taken up and accounted for.

HOUSLEY: The attack began on September 11th, 2012 at a diplomatic compound in Benghazi and culminated roughly seven hours later at a second location, a CIA annex about one mile away.

While the official responses from Washington have been that the assets could not have made it from benghazi in time that killed Woods and Doherty, there were at least two military units that could have made it in time including the one training in Croatia.

SO: Besides those guys who went in on their own, we had two more assets that could have been there. Two more assets that could have been on the ground. It’s frustrating, upsetting especially being in the community. The hardest thing to deal with in any kind of, you know, dangerous scenario or gun fight, is, you know, we always look to each other to help each other and that’s how we get through situations. It’s not about the assets overhead. It’s about the guys on the ground.

HOUSLEY: He also says as the attack began there were at least 15 Special Forces and highly skilled State Department security staff available in the capital Tripoli who were not dispatched even though they were trained as a quick response force.

Meantime, a group of American reinforcements also in Tripoli, which included the CIA’s global response agent Glen Doherty and seven others took matters into their own hands. This is a little known fact which contradicts the State Department’se report. The team commandeered a small jet and flew to Benghazi while still under fire. Doherty would eventually be killed on the roof along with his friend Tyrone Woods.

SO: These men deserve the highest medal of honor for their action. If it wasn’t for that decision we would be looking at different situation. 20-plus hostages… captured by AQ or you would be looking at a lot of dead Americans dead in Benghazi.

HOUSLEY: We have heard some of these same details from a number of our other sources who have not yet come on camera.
Some of our British sources on the ground that night confirmed. Tomorrow, more of our exclusive interview including the hunt for those responsible or the lack of a hunt.

Further, at least four career intelligence officials say they have been directly threatened by the Obama administration to keep this scandal under wraps.

Obama administration officials threatened whistle-blowers on Benghazi-Lawyer

At least four career officials at the State Department and the Central Intelligence Agency have retained lawyers or are in the process of doing so, as they prepare to provide sensitive information about the Benghazi attacks to Congress, Fox News has learned.

Victoria Toensing, a former Justice Department official and Republican counsel to the Senate Intelligence Committee, is now representing one of the State Department employees. She told Fox News her client and some of the others, who consider themselves whistle-blowers, have been threatened by unnamed Obama administration officials.

“I’m not talking generally, I’m talking specifically about Benghazi – that people have been threatened,” Toensing said in an interview Monday. “And not just the State Department. People have been threatened at the CIA.”

Toensing declined to name her client… However, Toensing disclosed that her client has pertinent information on all three time periods investigators considered relevant to the attacks: the months that led up to the attack, when pleas by the ambassador and his staff for enhanced security in Benghazi were mostly rejected by senior officers at the State Department; the eight-hour time frame in which the attacks unfolded, and the eight-day period that followed the attacks, when Obama administration officials incorrectly described them as the result of a spontaneous protest over a video.

“It’s frightening, and they’re doing some very despicable threats to people,” she said… Federal law provides explicit protections for federal government employees who are identified as “whistle-blowers.” The laws aim to ensure these individuals will not face repercussions from their superiors, or from other quarters, in retaliation for their provision of information about corruption or other forms of wrongdoing to Congress, or to an agency’s inspector-general.

Spread this story far and wide. It’s time to break vintage media’s embargo.

It’s time to drag John Boehner out of the bar, wake him up, and name a Special Prosecutor.

This is impeachment material. Impeachment material.

Dan Riehl: Possible Marathon Bombing suspect:

Orr said authorities have video of a man in a black jacket on a cell phone, wearing a gray hoodie and a white baseball cap backwards placing a black bag at the second bomb site outside of the Forum restaurant on Boylston Street and then leaving the area before that explosion.

And Jim Hoft adds this to the mix:

Two more from 4chan: this pair may match the persons of interest described here:

A federal law enforcement source told Fox News that investigators are looking for two men that are persons of interest in Monday’s Boston Marathon terror attack and have distributed photos for “law enforcement eyes only.”

According to the reporter, one of the men has a backpack that appears to match the bag believed to have been used in the attack. The other man also appears to have a bag of some kind.

Related: PHOTOS: Suspect Has Large, Black Backpack Before Bombing, Appears to Have Shed It Moments Later [Updated].

His act is called “A Tribute to the Stars.” I’m sure the “stars” are delighted.

The Clarion-Ledger has more background info.


Update: Bob Owens has additional detail on Curtis, who appears to have some, eh, controversial views about the local hospital system.


Update II: Lady Liberty and a pal seem to have discovered KC’s identity well before anyone else. Oh, and he’s a Democrat.

Well done, ladies! You can check out their scoop here.

***How can this nutjob pretend to be a Christian? This is really shameful. And he doesn’t even look like Elvis to boot..

These Democrats are the lowest of the low.

Sen. Chris Murphy, D-Conn., said that the families of Sandy Hook are grieving from a tragedy just as Bostonians are, as he called for Congress to focus on passing a gun bill.

“We’ve go to get back to work to make sure we can listen to the American people who still want us … to pass a background check,” Murphy said on MSNBC…

These tools are always in a hurry when it comes to relieving Americans of their wallets … or their liberty.

Hey, Murphy: No one needs a pressure cooker that can hold three or more chickens! We need common-sense pressure cooker control, now!

Get to work, Murph: register all pressure cookers. License all dealers of pressure cookers. Eliminate the garage sale loophole for pressure cooker sales.

And we need to impose universal background checks on all pressure cooker purchases.

It’s for the children, so hurry!

3 The Bill Will Lead to a Federal Gun Registry:

It would be a bad idea for Congress to give Attorney General Eric Holder the broadest possible discretion by empowering him to implement the STM background check legislation by regulations “notwithstanding any other provision” of the legislation. Perhaps the courts would say the anti-gun registry provisions prevail over the “notwithstanding” clause and there can be no step toward a gun registry, and perhaps the courts would say the “notwithstanding” clause displaces the anti-gun registry provisions and Attorney General Holder can start toward a gun registry.

The statutory rights of Americans to live free from a federal government registry of everybody who has firearms, what types of firearms they have, and where they have them should not be left to the judicial roulette of liberal judges in some courts and conservative judges in others.

2 It Eviscerates HIPAA Privacy Rights:

The STM gun control legislation eliminates any HIPAA privacy protection for mental health records in connection with the NICS system, leaving only what privacy protection the Attorney General cares to provide. The STM legislation says that information collected under the law by Attorney General Eric Holder to help him enforce the prohibition on firearms possession by mental defectives or people committed to mental institutions “shall not be subject to [HIPAA]

1 It Facilitates Undercover Busts of Innocents at Gun Shows:

Congress has made gun laws so complex that even the well-meaning, law-abiding citizen who owns firearms will have a hard time learning about and complying with every firearms law and regulation on the books. It is unreasonable to assume that every person at a gun show will automatically know that it is a crime to transfer a firearm without a necessary background check. The STM bill’s new undercover sting provision is a trap for the innocent.

Giving Attorney General Eric Holder unfettered power to further shred the Constitution is unacceptable.

This bill must be stopped.

Like Sarah Palin and Mark Levin, I will work to defeat anyone who supports this madness, starting with Pat Toomey.

Culled from The Wall Street Journal:

More than 2.5 million of the nearly 9 million Americans on disability are in their 20s, 30s and 40s.

The U.S. tax code is about 4 million words - 7 times the length of “War and Peace”.

The tax code is so complex, 60 percent of Americans rely upon tax preparers while 30 percent have to buy software to complete their tax forms.

Even with all of the assistance, Americans spent 6.1 billion hours preparing their taxes last year.

That amount of time is equivalent to the productivity of 3 million full-time workers… wasted on preparing taxes.

I don’t know whether to laugh or cry.

One thing’s for certain: we need a flat tax or the Fair Tax if we really want this economy to grow. Which is why the Democrat Party opposes any attempt at reforming the monstrosity.

BadBlue Tech, the automated tech news portal, points us to a file of sensitive data leaked a few hours ago by Anonymous (PDF):

1. #Anonymous #OpIsrael
2.
3. Greetings Citizens of the world,
4.
5. This is Anonymous.
6.
7. Decell Inc. is (apparently) a privately held company founded in
2000, fully owned by Israel ministry of defense.
8. Decell Technologies Ltd.,” Decell “ leverages its unique
technology to provide accurate, real-time traffic information to
public services, private traffic management companies and not
surprisingly Israeli intelligence services (MOSSAD & Shin Bet).
9. Using sophisticated analysis of different raw data sources such as
CFCD (Celluar Floating Car Data) and GPS (Global Positioning
System) Decell provides GIS (Geographic Information System)
services to both MOSSAD and Shin Bet.
10. Colonel Abraham (Avi) Peri acts as current CEO of Decell, He
served as CEO for number of high-tech companies, and earlier, as a
Colonel in the IDF (Israeli Defense Forces). He was in charge of
all computer centers and software development activities in the
IDF! (He is just too sexy!)
11.
12. Source:
(http://www.decell.com/About_Us/Board_of_Directors/board.html)
13.
14. Now after all of this impressive introduction it is our
pleasure to announce that we have managed to hack Decell servers,
acquiring some highly sensitive information, including exact GPS
coordinates of every City, Highway, Streets and of course every
sensitive buildings located within Israel boarders!
15.
16. We are asking every Zionist around the world to pay careful
attention to the following statement:
17.
18. You have a CHOICE to make, either
19.
20. STOP MURDERING CIVILIANS, WOMEN AND CHILDREN,
21. STOP MASS-KILLING PALESTINIANS,
22. STOP STEALING PALESTINIANS LAND,
23.
24. Or ELSE
25.
26. WE WILL PUBLISH MORE OF WHAT WE HAVE GOT, INCLUDING
COORDINATES OF SPECIAL BUILDINGS!
27. THEN HAMAS MISSILES WOULDN’T LAND IN DESERT OR OCEAN THIS
TIME……….
28.
29. Here are some sample of what we have access to:
30.
31. Decell customers usernames and passwords…

Of course, a quick review of the full, illustrated history of Israel would clear up any misconceptions about the Middle East. Namely, which side advances civilization and which promotes barbarism.

Isn’t it amazing that antique media hasn’t highlighted the one common thread between the spate of mass shootings here and abroad? Not firearms, mind you, but the use of anti-depressant pharmaceuticals.

About a month before the Aurora movie theater rampage left 12 dead and at least 70 injured in July, James E. Holmes told a psychiatrist he was having homicidal thoughts and she concluded he could pose a danger to the public, according to documents released Thursday.

University of Colorado-Denver psychiatrist Dr. Lynne Fenton told a campus police officer about her concerns June 12, the day after she met with Holmes for their only session. Her fears were revealed Thursday when the new judge presiding over the case unsealed a host of search warrants and arrest documents.

Fenton also told Lynn Whitten, a campus police officer, that after she stopped seeing Holmes he “threatened and harassed her via email/text messages,” the documents said.

Whitten deactivated Holmes’ ID so he could not get into university classrooms and laboratories, the documents say. That appeared to contradict what university officials have said: that Holmes was not banned from the university because of a threat but because his ID was deactivated as part of the normal student withdrawal process.

Along with chemicals used for explosives, rounds of ammunition, pistol cases and paper targets, police seized movie posters, video games, apartment lease papers, numerous computers, 48 containers of beer and other liquor and stacks of school textbooks. They found prescription medication for sertraline, a generic version of Zoloft used to treat depression, panic disorder and obsessive-compulsive disorder; and Clonazepam, usually prescribed to treat anxiety and panic attacks.

…The documents also shed some light on a notebook that Holmes mailed to Fenton, which was found in a university mail room after the shooting. The notebook was described in search warrants as brown with a placard on the cover that said “James Holmes.” Also written on the outside of the notebook were the words, “My Life.”

…The notebook, which is still sealed, has been a bitterly contested issue. The prosecution says it should be admitted into evidence, but the defense says it is part of doctor-patient privileged communication…

The ties between young people, anti-depressant drugs and violence are so well-documented that the FDA requires bold warnings for the use of psychotherapeutics, including possible fantasies about suicidal and homicidal behavior.

Among psychotherapeutics’ black box warnings are:

• “Increased risk of suicidal ideation in short-term studies in children and adolescents with ADHD.” (Strattera, SNRI)

• “Antidepressants increased risk of suicidal thinking and behavior (suicidality) in short-term studies in children, adolescents and young adults with major depressive disorder and other psychiatric disorders.” (Zoloft, SSRI)

• “Monitor appropriately and observe closely for clinical worsening, suicidality or unusual changes in behavior for all patients who are started on antidepressant therapy.” (Parnate, MAOI)

• “High potential for abuse; avoid prolonged use. Misuse of amphetamine may cause sudden death and serious cardiovascular events.” (Adderal, sympathomimetic amine)

A helpful infographic at VizWorld depicts the real-world challenges associated with Zoloft: “A Blockbuster Drug with a Black-Box Warning: Zoloft.”

Of course, this morning the propagandists on the Sunday talk shows were not interested in dealing with the root causes of violence. They were instead fixated on redistributing wealth to illegal aliens and relieving citizens of their Second Amendment rights.

Wondering why North Korea, after decades of low-level trouble-making, has escalated its rhetoric to “Condition Red”?

U.S. denounces North Korea for “bellicose rhetoric” after “state of war” declaration | bloom.bg/XkQclT

— Bloomberg News (@BloombergNews) March 31, 2013

Perhaps two missing attack subs might explain it.

Chosun TV is reporting that South Korean military have lost contact with two North Korean submarines that left their naval base in Hwanghae Province a few days ago.

There has obviously been a lot of changes between last week and now and South Korean military officials suggested that while maneuvers in February were nothing meaningful, now it is provocation.

The two ‘torpedo’ subs are small 130-ton, 30-meter, 10-man machines that can stay submerged for three-to-four days.

If the situation wasn’t so dicey, it would be hilarious. The same Democrats who condemned missile defense for decades — beginning with ridiculing Reagan’s SDI as “Star Wars” — are now scurrying around trying to find Patriot-style systems to keep their own skins safe.

Pathetic, unpatriotic pond-scum. Which is why the Democrat Party is not-so-fondly known as the Party of Weakness.

The peerless People’s Cube mapped the progressive’s brain long before President Obama announced his ill-fated, $100 million “BRAIN Initiative” (Sequester? What Sequester?).

In related news, Debbie Wasserman-Schlitz (who was apparently asked to lay low after the DNC got her Q-scores) is whining that “a spare $250 million is a little tough these days.”

This is, of course, one of the central nincompoops responsible for $3.2 trillion in “Stimulus” spending (and counting, since the original $800 trillion Stimulus is now baked into the baseline budget).

Washerman-Schlutt has it tough: President Obama, in comparison, is still handing out billions of our money in “green energy” scams, deficits and Sequester notwithstanding.

Word tonight that a New York legislator is pushing a bill in Congress to require gun owners to buy liability insurance or face a $10,000 fine. That’s right: Democrats want you to pay a tax in order to exercise a God-given mandate that is codified in plain English in our Bill of Rights.

Dr. John Lott, the world’s foremost expert on gun laws, offers the following astute observation:

With the cost of insurance at up to $2,000, Democrats put the fine for not having insurance at $10,000.

Compare that to Obamacare where the fines for not having insurance are less than a quarter of the costs for people whose income is at $50,000.

My interpretation is that Democrats are not serious about people getting health insurance, but they are serious [in] stopping people from owning guns.

Remember, folks, a penalty is a tax, except when it’s just a tax, other than when it is a penalty or simply a penalty and a tax. Ain’t that right, Chief Justice Roberts?

North Korea announced Saturday that it has entered a state of war against South Korea. In a special statement, the North said it will deal with every inter-Korean issue in a wartime manner.

Therefore Zero Hedge is running the obligatory caption contest with this gem:

The best captions thus far?

• “…and the last nuke is for Florida Gulf Coast University for busting my NCAA bracket.”
• “Why would I want billions, when I can have millions? How do you spell ‘War’?”
• “For the love of God, where’s Rodman?”

• “Anyone notice the iMac on his desk!? Long live Jobs!”
• “…and clam chowder, and a large bowl of chili con carne, and a side order of bacon, with sour cream, and cream-filled doughnuts, ice cream with marshmallow topping, and chocolate syrup, and…”
• “Wasn’t he the guy that made that Gangnam Style video?”

• “Dear Un, if you are going to take a shot, aim at the District of Criminals.”
• “Hory shit! According to my carcurations, I rost fucking errything in Cyprus! Damn you, Deeser-broom!!! Damn you straight to herr!!!”
• Is that a Bic pen he is using to plot the overthrow of western civilization?

• “Dear Pen Pal, I was so happy to get your letter. I have just returned home from a trip to threaten the world powers. I am 30 years old and have worked really hard to destabilize the region. It has been very difficult to carry on ever since my father died…”
• “Dear Steve, My dogs and I were working on this new nuke project plan, but every time I try the save on iCloud, I get ‘Server not found - check your internet connection’. What is going on? Also what is this yellow cable for? Un”

• “Hmmm… So I can save money if I use FedEx”
• “It took me like three hours to finish the shading on your upper lip. It’s probably the best drawing I’ve ever done.”
• “Let’s see … they have three longbowmen to my two horse archers. They get additional strength for city defense. I’m going to need the war elephants.”


Related: Don’t miss The 15 Funniest Staged Kim Jong-un Military Photos.

***Is that a Mac in this pic? See how easy they are to use? Even a 4th world dictator can work one! (tho, it does look like the yellow cat 5 cable is sitting on the desk next to the computer)